I find myself on the thought train tonight. I was watching a movie and the character stated ” that’s not where I see myself in five years! “. And then it hit me. Where do I see myself?
I love being a mom..
But in five years will I still be here at home, with more babies? In five years, will I have started my career? Would I obtain my teaching license? Will I set out to accomplish every goal I have set for myself.
I sit here and wonder if it’s bad if I choose to put myself first. If I choose to go to work- even if we are financially stable enough for me to stay home- am I being a bad mom? If I choose to accomplish my goals and put off more kids, am I being selfish? If I choose to have more kids and put them in child care to work, am I hurting their bond with me since I spent every moment with their older sibling?
In five years…will I have gone through the heartbreak of loosing another child? Will I be surprised with an “oopsies” baby?
In five years… Where will we be living? What state would we be moving to next? Will we have bought a home? Will I have my masters?
We never know what the future holds. We don’t know what will happen, and we can’t stop it. As I sit here tonight with a beautiful 6 month old nursing away I am fearful of the next five years. Will the world have come to love more? Will the senseless violence have fade away?
I never noticed how fast time goes by until I became a mother. At the end of the day that’s who I am now, presently, and that’s all I need to worry about. Regardless of tomorrow and what it brings- I will wake up and go to bed a mother. Now time to turn off the brain and watch some television.