Life Lessons

Discussing Differences

As my daughter grows, not only do I have to buy new shoes but we need to expand our topics of discussion. In 2019 we as parents need to educate our new generation on three main levels: respect, understanding, and love.

After our (three) bedtime stories a few nights back C (my three year old) started to discuss her friends at school. For some reason she started to identify the difference in characteristics of some friends. We discussed the shoes a friend wore, we discussed a “boo boo” another had. Then finally she hit me with a question I never really prepared myself to answer… “Mommy Z has braids in her hair. Her hair is different. She always has cool clips. Why mom? Why is her skin brown mom? Can I have cool clips?”.

I know her questions were pure innocent but I was taken back by how observant a small brain could be. I spoke with her about differences of friends. We identified all the different things her and I have..blue eyes, brown eyes, long hair, short hair. We came to the conclusion that all friends, even family, are different. I educated her on how important it is to respect our friends for every difference they may have. As I did that I wondered about other children her age, asking or wondering this question and the response they were given.

I could only hope that the answers given about differences, wether it’s race or gender or even orientation, was spoken about with respect, understanding, and love. We have so much to worry about in our world and I do not believe we as parents can instill anymore hate into our world before more harm gets done.

This talk about differences gave me an insight into my future. When she asks about where babies come from, or what happens when she grows up, or even when her curiosity grows about sex. I just hope I can always provide her with respectful answers. I hope I can understand where she is coming from, and I hope I can teach her to approach all situations with confidence that she was given information to provide success.

As for my son? Well he’s still too young to even understand peek-a-boo, so I’ll keep you updated about his first curious question in a few years!

Xoxox

Brianna

Mama Llama Drama

Stay at Home “Mom-ing“

As a child I dreamed of being a mother. As a teen I dreamed of my career and accomplishments. As a young adult I dreamed of the picket fence, fantastic career, beautiful babies, loving husband, and every other imaginable perfect life scenario. So what is life like today? It’s so very good. There are times when I know it could be better and there are times where I know how much worse we could be. But if I am being honest, sometimes I feel like I don’t do enough all while knowing I need a break.

Being home all day is a way to really mess with your psyche. I clean, cook, and everything else that needs to be done but there are days where my husband sees none of that. There are days where I receive the “what did you do all day?” remarks and eye glances. There are days where I lay in bed wishing and begging for the extra few minutes of silence before the daily chaos begins. My life is so repetitive. There is nothing spectacular happening. We just go through the motions. Now, a part of me thinks that life without chaos is a good life. However, my other part thinks of life as “ground hog day” is the worst.ever.

These babies are everything to me. If there is anything I want in this world, it’s that they look back and remember those small tiny minuscule memories of how we’d eat ice cream sandwiches when daddy’s was away with work, or how we’d stay up late watching silly movies. I want my kids to know I’m always there and being a stay at home provides us that. My babies know that mommy is home. Bad day? Mommy’s home. Friends are mean outside? Mommy’s home. Don’t feel good? Mommy’s home. I also have a little teaching side job which I love (VIPKID). But it’s not truly an income anymore with an infant that hates sleep….(9 MONTHS OF AN ALL NIGHT MILK BAR!)

I spend most days a month being a single mommy while my husband goes out with his boat. When he is home I teach before any baby wakes, I try to make the little side money as I can because we all know that military members aren’t millionaires ;). I try. I just really really try to help in every way I can. And yet some days that isn’t even good enough. Some days I let my husband get in my head, what do I even do? I don’t have many friends let alone a stable career and life outside my house. Some days I sit back and wonder how I could have allowed myself to become so isolated and secluded from the world, how I have become so fearful of going back to work and pushing myself to be a better mother and wife. The years of being a stay at home mom has caused my head and heart so much ache and confusion. Is there ever a right time to go back to work?

I type this as my infant snuggles and starts to fade into his beautiful slumber… for what I hope is a few hours anyways. I type this with his body snuggled into mine and it almost grounds me. Although there are so many voices battling what is best for me and my family his breathing calms them. As for now, I am content with isolation and quietness if it means I get these moments as a mother. Sometimes I forget how fragile this life we live can be. Sometimes I forget they grow up, faster then I am ready to admit.

Xoxox

Brianna

What year is it again?

Lets rewind—

Hi to all who have ever read my posts. It has been nearly three years since my last chance to write and I have missed it everyday. So much has changed.. so so much. We welcomed our surprise but yet not so surprise baby boy back in September. Jack Francis! We moved from Alaska to New Jersey! My daughter started pre-k! I started work as an ESL Teaching in-line! Basically our lives haven’t stopped.

February 2017 we received our phone call for the military transfer telling us we were headed to Cape May, NJ. However, what I didn’t know back then was the life and schedule we would be living with. Now I am aware of how the military works, I am aware of the days away, but what I wasn’t aware of at the time was doing this life as a mom. My husband started work on a boat… a very sporadic boat. My last 2 years have been filled with a lot of “single mommy” days and nights. A lot of fights with my husband, and struggles with finding myself. But here I am still standing.

We decided to try for another baby while in New Jersey. We knew how hard and long getting pregnant with my daughter was so we assumed (LOL) that it would be the same way this time around. We dropped protection in October and by December we were pregnant. And I cried… and cried… and cried. I was terrified. Your first pregnancy is so much different than your second. By this time you know what’s ahead, you know how hard raising tiny humans are. I knew how hard my husband schedule was and how I’d be doing this alone. I wanted this baby but I was so deeply saddened. Was I taking away from my daughter? Would I face depression? Will I ever loose the baby weight? Can I do this? But here I am still standing.

My marriage has been hard. Marriage is hard. So Very Hard. We argue over little things, but we love hard, too. A lot of the arguing has to do with the loneliness I feel at times. It’s hard to make friends and feel apart of something as a military wife. It’s hard to find your person while balancing a home life and an at home job while your husbands gone for the week again. I feel so much anger at my husband somedays where he seems to have no desire to understand my life. He thinks my life is easy, I mean all I do is sit at home, right? But here I am still standing.

All in all, I am back to writing… venting… trying to find other moms/wives/people to share this journey with.

 

Xoxox

Brianna