When A Mom Needs to Workout

I had so many imaginations of being a mother. I would imagine dropping the kids at the daycare in the gym and getting my workout on. I imagined date nights away from kids with a trusted babysitter for a romantic time away. I imagined perfect sleeping babies who always behaved and went to bed without a peep. But the whole gym thing- that was going to happen.. news flash: it never did.

Here I am two beautiful babies, three and a half years later and I haven’t stepped foot inside a gym in nearly four years! It sounds pathetic but it’s true. With every intention, with every ounce of my body missing a good workout I was never able to get back into a gym setting with my husbands schedule. For almost a year it really hurt my mental health to a fault. I got depressed after my daughter was born, desperate for the moments of solitude and quietness of a gym with only my music playing in my ears. I missed the glimpse of my fit pre pregnancy body. I still do miss that atmosphere. However I’ve grown to see the bigger picture, it’s not about where you go to sweat it’s the fact that you do it.

Today, you can find me working out in my living room surrounded by toys and sometimes a crying child. I am determined to make lemonade from the lemons I’ve been given.

It’s had some advantages, too. My daughter acknowledges working out as something normal and understands it’s what I need to do. She attempts the moves with me and we bond over it. Growing up obese, yes “morbidly obese” actually..(that’s a story for another time), I am so grateful for my daughter to see being healthy as something normal, not a fad diet or a need to be thin; rather healthy.

Although I still dream of my lonely isolated workouts without drool and diaper changes while trying to stop toddlers from arguing over barbies, I am so thankful I’ve found such a peace of mind in working out and being healthy in the eyes of my children..One day I will be in the gym, and I will ache for the moments I have now.

Xoxox

Brianna

Life Lessons

Discussing Differences

As my daughter grows, not only do I have to buy new shoes but we need to expand our topics of discussion. In 2019 we as parents need to educate our new generation on three main levels: respect, understanding, and love.

After our (three) bedtime stories a few nights back C (my three year old) started to discuss her friends at school. For some reason she started to identify the difference in characteristics of some friends. We discussed the shoes a friend wore, we discussed a “boo boo” another had. Then finally she hit me with a question I never really prepared myself to answer… “Mommy Z has braids in her hair. Her hair is different. She always has cool clips. Why mom? Why is her skin brown mom? Can I have cool clips?”.

I know her questions were pure innocent but I was taken back by how observant a small brain could be. I spoke with her about differences of friends. We identified all the different things her and I have..blue eyes, brown eyes, long hair, short hair. We came to the conclusion that all friends, even family, are different. I educated her on how important it is to respect our friends for every difference they may have. As I did that I wondered about other children her age, asking or wondering this question and the response they were given.

I could only hope that the answers given about differences, wether it’s race or gender or even orientation, was spoken about with respect, understanding, and love. We have so much to worry about in our world and I do not believe we as parents can instill anymore hate into our world before more harm gets done.

This talk about differences gave me an insight into my future. When she asks about where babies come from, or what happens when she grows up, or even when her curiosity grows about sex. I just hope I can always provide her with respectful answers. I hope I can understand where she is coming from, and I hope I can teach her to approach all situations with confidence that she was given information to provide success.

As for my son? Well he’s still too young to even understand peek-a-boo, so I’ll keep you updated about his first curious question in a few years!

Xoxox

Brianna

Mama Llama Drama

Stay at Home “Mom-ing“

As a child I dreamed of being a mother. As a teen I dreamed of my career and accomplishments. As a young adult I dreamed of the picket fence, fantastic career, beautiful babies, loving husband, and every other imaginable perfect life scenario. So what is life like today? It’s so very good. There are times when I know it could be better and there are times where I know how much worse we could be. But if I am being honest, sometimes I feel like I don’t do enough all while knowing I need a break.

Being home all day is a way to really mess with your psyche. I clean, cook, and everything else that needs to be done but there are days where my husband sees none of that. There are days where I receive the “what did you do all day?” remarks and eye glances. There are days where I lay in bed wishing and begging for the extra few minutes of silence before the daily chaos begins. My life is so repetitive. There is nothing spectacular happening. We just go through the motions. Now, a part of me thinks that life without chaos is a good life. However, my other part thinks of life as “ground hog day” is the worst.ever.

These babies are everything to me. If there is anything I want in this world, it’s that they look back and remember those small tiny minuscule memories of how we’d eat ice cream sandwiches when daddy’s was away with work, or how we’d stay up late watching silly movies. I want my kids to know I’m always there and being a stay at home provides us that. My babies know that mommy is home. Bad day? Mommy’s home. Friends are mean outside? Mommy’s home. Don’t feel good? Mommy’s home. I also have a little teaching side job which I love (VIPKID). But it’s not truly an income anymore with an infant that hates sleep….(9 MONTHS OF AN ALL NIGHT MILK BAR!)

I spend most days a month being a single mommy while my husband goes out with his boat. When he is home I teach before any baby wakes, I try to make the little side money as I can because we all know that military members aren’t millionaires ;). I try. I just really really try to help in every way I can. And yet some days that isn’t even good enough. Some days I let my husband get in my head, what do I even do? I don’t have many friends let alone a stable career and life outside my house. Some days I sit back and wonder how I could have allowed myself to become so isolated and secluded from the world, how I have become so fearful of going back to work and pushing myself to be a better mother and wife. The years of being a stay at home mom has caused my head and heart so much ache and confusion. Is there ever a right time to go back to work?

I type this as my infant snuggles and starts to fade into his beautiful slumber… for what I hope is a few hours anyways. I type this with his body snuggled into mine and it almost grounds me. Although there are so many voices battling what is best for me and my family his breathing calms them. As for now, I am content with isolation and quietness if it means I get these moments as a mother. Sometimes I forget how fragile this life we live can be. Sometimes I forget they grow up, faster then I am ready to admit.

Xoxox

Brianna

Daddy’s first daddy’s day

Happy Father’s Day Everyone!

I can not believe we celebrated Father’s Day for my husband with our precious little bear in our arms. Last year I was barley pregnant- around 6 weeks- and I refused to get “attatched” at that point. 

So this is it. This is what it feels like to show love and appreciation for your spouse for being such an awesome partner. 

My husband has adjusted to fatherhood so amazingly. I never doubted he would be a great dad but just seeing it first hand makes me heart explode. 

As for our sign I just need to brag about how beautiful it is- it is from etsy(my obsession). She did such a lovely job and it is absolutely perfect for the office. Instagram: @213designs etsy: 213 designs 

Next Father’s Day will be spent (hopefully) at our new CG Unit!!!! 

We officially have less than a year being 5,000 miles away from family and stuck on an island with absolutely nothing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Xox 

Brianna