When A Mom Needs to Workout

I had so many imaginations of being a mother. I would imagine dropping the kids at the daycare in the gym and getting my workout on. I imagined date nights away from kids with a trusted babysitter for a romantic time away. I imagined perfect sleeping babies who always behaved and went to bed without a peep. But the whole gym thing- that was going to happen.. news flash: it never did.

Here I am two beautiful babies, three and a half years later and I haven’t stepped foot inside a gym in nearly four years! It sounds pathetic but it’s true. With every intention, with every ounce of my body missing a good workout I was never able to get back into a gym setting with my husbands schedule. For almost a year it really hurt my mental health to a fault. I got depressed after my daughter was born, desperate for the moments of solitude and quietness of a gym with only my music playing in my ears. I missed the glimpse of my fit pre pregnancy body. I still do miss that atmosphere. However I’ve grown to see the bigger picture, it’s not about where you go to sweat it’s the fact that you do it.

Today, you can find me working out in my living room surrounded by toys and sometimes a crying child. I am determined to make lemonade from the lemons I’ve been given.

It’s had some advantages, too. My daughter acknowledges working out as something normal and understands it’s what I need to do. She attempts the moves with me and we bond over it. Growing up obese, yes “morbidly obese” actually..(that’s a story for another time), I am so grateful for my daughter to see being healthy as something normal, not a fad diet or a need to be thin; rather healthy.

Although I still dream of my lonely isolated workouts without drool and diaper changes while trying to stop toddlers from arguing over barbies, I am so thankful I’ve found such a peace of mind in working out and being healthy in the eyes of my children..One day I will be in the gym, and I will ache for the moments I have now.

Xoxox

Brianna

The Month of Thanks

27w3d

November has been a favorite month of mine for as long as I can remember. It is a tie between the scents autumn offers and the happiness the holidays spread. Sometimes I find myself getting caught up in life, especially with finishing up my bachelors, not embracing this life that I have been given. Sometimes I find it hard to be thankful for life, (especially when the FedEx delivery doesn’t come for two weeks, and delivers the wrong crib!), but at the end of the day when I am laying in my nice warm bed I can’t NOT be thankful.

For the year of 2015 has brought my husband and I so much joy, it has tested both of us in so many ways. Living with infertility, pregnant or not, affects you. In a weird way I find myself thankful first and foremost that I have the ability to have struggled with conceiving our child…. but then actually conceiving one! Nobody will know what this feels like unless they have been there. Yes of course “normal” couples are overjoyed with their pregnancy and babies, but do they appreciate it to the fullest like us ladies who struggle and fight the odds? I believe they don’t. They don’t know what it is like to cry every month when your period goes missing, and you hold on to that little glimmer of HOPE that MAYBE just maybe this is the month… Then you realize that you’re body just never even ovulated, and every last glimmer of hope fades more and more every month it happens. They don’t know this feeling, this feeling of those two pink lines after years of heart ache. Its indescribable and I truly believe that this infertility journey has changed my life forever.

Life is not about asking yourself “why me?”. Life is about taking what you have been handed and turning it into something spectacular.

This journey has been concrete on my marriage. My husband and I are celebrating four years in January and I am just in awe. We have grown up together and are maturing together. He has been so amazing with this process. You know you have a great man in your life when all he has to do is look at you and know he has dinner duty, and cook you dinner without saying a single word. He isn’t a mushy kind of man but infertility has struck a soft side inside of him. He has become more passionate, more loving, and definitely more caring to my feelings. Infertility can sometimes be a marriage breaker, dealing with the stress isn’t easy, and the emotions are even worse but its a time for us both to be a support system for one another and that is whats made us stronger then ever.

Infertility has taught me life is not perfect. It has brought me anger jealousy and tears. It has made me question why, infertility has brought me to a low of low. But it does not define me. If anything it has made me want to help those around me, share my story and let them know they aren’t alone. Life sucks sometimes but every obstacle you face is to teach you a lesson and make you an even better individual.

If there is one thing you can take away from this blog post is that even the worst of situations and scenarios, like infertility, can be positive. Be thankful for the life that you are given, good bad and the ugly.

I am thankful for what my infertility has taught me, and my husband.

The struggles of my PCOS. Who can relate?!

  

How many of you ladies out there relate? I can’t be the only one!

Between my Italian background, and my PCOS, I literally had no chance with my upper lip hair! I decided to try bleaching it, because quite frankly I hate the feeling of getting anything waxed !!! I think that this little “halfstache” I have going on is my least favorite part of having PCOS! ((aside from infertility, of course!!)) 

My other hates about PCOS are ( but not limited to ) :::

• WEIGHT GAIN/not loosing any weight! — I literally work my ass off everyday and never see even an ounce lost. Only gained!!!!
• DECREASED SEX DRIVE— I don’t know if any of you guys have felt it but when I get a large cyst, MAN that thing can HURT!!!
• Come out come out wherever you are PERIOD!!— yes, my aunt flow is seriously the best at hide and seek. The only time I find her is when provera scares her out of me!!
• Not knowing my body— women don’t realize how special it is to know when your ovulation is, period is, why their breasts hurt, every little detail they know. I wish one day I can really understand my body. 

What are some things that make you crazy with your PCOS or infertility issues?

It makes me sad how infertility is such a taboo subject, I can’t stand being quiet anymore. You are not alone !!

Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome is such a complicated disorder. Some other have a few characteristics, while some have every symptom in the book. Regardless of what type you “fit” into, understand that everyother person out there with PCOS is struggling like you. Skinny, thick, white, purple, black, green, tall, short, EVERYONE is dealing with embarrassing or hurtful issues. Don’t be ashamed or hide. Learn to love you!! 
Now to go clear off my bleached lip! Till next time.

Xox

-Brianna